As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails and private messages over the past year.
WARNING
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbours ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician... honest!!!
The Things I Now Know
Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..
I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel.
I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up money dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
I sit with my handbag on my knee in public toilets for fear of placing it on the floor.
Rat poo in the glue on envelopes... I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..
NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY
WARNING
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbours ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician... honest!!!
The Things I Now Know
Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..
I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel.
I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up money dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
I sit with my handbag on my knee in public toilets for fear of placing it on the floor.
Rat poo in the glue on envelopes... I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..
NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY
